I hate to admit it but Joe is slipping more. I've been seeing it but trying to ignore it the last few weeks.

I came home from work one day and went to change. Things were all moved in the closet so I went and asked Joe if he had been in the lockbox. He looked really embarrassed and said he had. He knew Liz's birthday was coming but couldn't remember when. So he went to the lockbox to try and find their birth certificates. I wrote a sticky note on the refrigerator with the kids birthdates but then I also wrote them on the calendar with how old they will be turning.

It's been awhile since I sat and prayed the Rosary alone. I've prayed it with our students, our YNIA kids and as a staff. But not alone in the quiet of my own head. I sit and do my readings everyday and I hold the Rosary and pray for those that I am thinking about. But even that has been getting harder. Joe is now up with me every morning and while I try to do my reading and pray he turns on the news. It's not that quiet I need.

I did it! I bought my first international air ticket. I have never had the need for a passport. Liz is getting her white coat in Veterinary Medicine in March in Ireland. I desperately want to go and be there with her then. I have always wanted to see Ireland and travel to Europe but have never had the money or opportunity. It's something Joe and I had on our bucket list for when we were empty nesters.

As the weather turns cooler and Eric is off to school this means one thing! I can make anything I want and include as many vegetables as I want and I won't get that turned up nose and groan of Mom seriously! The day I moved him in I put everything for Chicken Tortilla soup in the crock pot and off we went. Just think beans and vegetables and Joe and I at dinner and no comments or complaints.

Some days I just want to curl in a ball and sleep. Some days when other people complain about how busy they are or how tired they are, it is all I can do to stop myself from saying something snide. I know we are all busy and we are all tired. But for me working six days a week, taking care of Joe, managing the house, the finances and keeping tabs on the kids is daunting.

My babe turns 25 today! I've been thinking about it all week. She is a quarter of a century old. Twenty five was a tough birthday for me. I had a 14 month old, knew few people in town, and my husband worked 12 hour shifts. I was so lonely. I was so lonely I went that night to a cookie swap at a neighbor's house knowing full well how she could be. That night she took every shot she could to let everyone know I was just turning 25, a baby with a baby.

When you think of a typical New England Fall weekend, I am sure different things pop into your mind. the colors of the leaves changing. Sweaters coming out. Crisp air that is filled with the sounds of crunching leaves.

Mine also included Homecoming at the local high school. It was filled with watching soccer games while eating burgers. Cheering at the football game while eating warm apple crisp. Seeing college kids who came back to cheer on their friends and prior classmates.

Eric is launched! It is with relief, I can say he successfully launched. Last week was so hard. I felt like I was slogging through just trying to get through. I was consumed with fear. His being home was my safety net. I knew that while I work my two jobs, Joe was safe and cared for. Yet, I also knew I was keeping Eric from having the normal life. He became consumed with video games and stopped hanging out with friends. He was not motivated to get a part time job or full time job. He was too concerned with the safety of his dad.

Last Friday was Friday the 13th and a full moon. Yet it was a normal day. No crazy at all. In Pharmacy you soon learn there is definitely something to the stories of the full moon. Anytime crazy started to happen in the Pharmacy we would look at the calendar, see the full moon either just arriving or departing and know exactly what was going on.

Ever since Joe's care meeting last week I have spent a lot of time thinking about the progression of his Alzheimer's. How fast will he go? How soon can I expect? Is he okay at home alone? I don't know the answers and it makes me crazy. I know I never had control over how life played out. But I am a planner. I want to know if Joe will be able to recognize his daughter on her wedding day next June. I want to know if Eric moving out to school will leave him too isolated.

As if it was something I was considering, but I learned this weekend I can never make it as a telemarketer. I was one of a team of 12 on Sunday that called all our parishioners asking for donations for the bake table. We spent three hours dialing, leaving messages, getting hung up on etc. I literally rubbed my elbow raw after leaning on the table that long on the phone.

I went to Joe's first care meeting yesterday. It is so hard to walk into the Day program building. I know he is being well cared for but they are so old and impaired.

Do you know the 1998 song from Garth Brooks "Thank God for unanswered prayers"? I faced this today. Two and a half years ago I interviewed for and so desperately wanted a certain job. I prayed hard every day to please just help me get this job. I could do this job. It would provide the financial stability my family so fiercely needed. You know the ending. I didn't get the job.

"I came for the jello worms and I have not left yet!" Who knew jello worms could draw someone deeper to God? Apparently God calls each of us differently.

Eric my youngest has put his life on hold for a year to stay home with his dad and be primary caregiver. Its taking a toll and he needs to get out, move on and start his life. He is 19. He needs more. On the other hand I have been able to go to work six days a week, stay late for classes and meetings and know that Joe was okay. I knew he was safe and was fed. The day he broke a glass in the sink and thought he could grind the broken pieces in the garbage disposal it was Eric who was able to stop him and make sure he was safe.

Sorry friends, but this column has been very hard for me to write. Probably because my emotions have been running at an all time high. Yesterday my oldest, Liz married the love of her life, Mark. Eleven months from today my daughter Kate will marry her Army Lieutenant. I haven't slept much in the past two days.