He Trusts Me

He Trusts Me

With all that has happened in the past two plus years, I have realized Joe really trusts me and depends on me.  This is both great and overwhelming.  

Last January we took a family trip to Disney.   It has been a favorite vacation for us since Eric was two.   It holds a lot of great memories for our family.   It was a bittersweet trip for us.   There were lots of memories of what was stacked up with the reality of what is.  At times Joe was great and it felt like normal.   Other times he struggled with crowds, with low light, with the kids not all being in front of him.   I was able to talk him through and get him to the next spot.   At times Eric would stand behind Joe with his hands in Joes shoulders and guide him.  

On night after Joe had a particularly bad experience going through crowds in front of Cinderella’s castle at dusk, Liz turned to me and said “I don’t get it.   Why are you the only one who can calm Dad down?”   I said it may have some thing to do with our 30 year relationship.  

The kids get frustrated when Joe lacks in an area.   They want him to be Dad.   He just came to me because he doesn’t know what night of his meds to take.   All I need to do is be calm and ask to see the pill box and open a slot.   He is calm and takes it and walks away.   Every time this happens I am reminded of how he really relies on me to keep him going.    It is both an honor and a burden.   I wish I could convince the kids to just be calm and simply direct him.   I wish people related to him had stepped up so I don’t feel alone is the role.   But he does trust me.   He does rely on me.  So I need to do right by him.  

Oh how he hovers

Oh how he hovers

I struggle with down time

I struggle with down time