I struggle with down time

I came home early tonight.   Last week had so many late nights and I was so exhausted by the end of the week.   Only I had to deal with Kate in meltdown mode over the weekend.   So coming home early and I can’t sit still.  

I played a game of Cribbage on my phone.  Then I started an episode of a fact show to watch.   Halfway through I need to stop.  I needed to move.   I just really could not sit anymore and just watch.    I don’t know how to handle this.    I am on the go all the time.   When I can stop, I just want to.   Now I faced with the fact my body doesn’t know how to.  

I am also on guard all the time for the nest “thing”.   The TV in the living room died this morning.   Maybe because Joe watches the news all the time.  The TV couldn’t handle that much crap and gave up the ghost.   But it is one more thing that needs to be taken care of.   I know he is safe at least when he is home watching it.  

So now I am home.   Joe is watching the news in the bedroom.   I cannot relax.   I don’t know what to do with myself.   And I can’t lie down in bed because watching the news all the time sets my teeth on edge and makes the top of my head want to blow off.  

I have started to realize this is my now.   But this is not my forever.    All I need to do is survive my now.