Oh how he hovers

I know he loves me.   I know I center him.   I say this without any ego.   He has a disease that he is losing himself.    His brother is the only one of his family to understand how to interact with him.   His kids are all off at school.   His world is totally off balance.  But man does he hover.  

I know I am gone a lot for work.  I know he is trying to feel safe but sometimes I am just so tired and just want to be completely off.   I have been having a rough week.   I’m just super emotional and just want to cry.   I’m trying to just keep going.  

He woke me today rubbing my back.   I was able to fall back to sleep before he was hugging me.   I again fell back to sleep before he was there again.   I tried to sleep as long as I can but eventually just got up to get a cup of tea.  

Every time today I was in the kitchen so was he.   I went to get a cup of tea and a piece of toast.   He stood by the silverware drawer and then in front of the fridge.   Later I made another cup of tea and sat down waiting for the kettle.   He came behind me, played with my hair and pulled extra pieces of hair off my back.  I just wanted some time.    I know not to push him away.   But the hair on the back of my neck is rising.  

I’m trying unsuccessfully to be all he needs me to be.   I know he wants so much more from me.   His world is shrinking rapidly.    He knows he is losing himself.    I have so much to deal with.   Two jobs, three kids, my husband and all that goes with it.  I constantly feel like I am not enough for any of them.