The past days

It has been a rough few days. Joe is unstable and cannot be at his program. The delusions are so bad. They are calling me everyday to try and calm him down. Tuesday I couldn’t calm him. He was yelling at me, he was calling me a coward. I told them I was leaving and coming to get him.

I arrived to so much. Carlos was outside and asked if I was coming for Mr Joe. He started to lead me inside. John was there. He asked if I was taking him and if he was okay. Edwin said hi and he was there. Carlos led me inside and told Margaret I had come. Tracey led him out. I cannot begin to tell you the love that surrounds us at his program. I am grateful for each and everyone God brought into my life.

Last night was calls to his neurologist. Today a visit with our primary. And then a change in his antipsychotic. I have a bed saved for him while the paperwork is settled. For so long I have had a mental battle. When would I not be able to take care of him, and how will I pay for it. I never expected the change in him to happen so fast. I never thought he would try to jump out of the car while stopped at a major intersection.

His decline was so rapid and so incredibly fast day to day. Since his diagnosis I have prayed he would not linger. I have my aunt who did. I don’t want him to be a drugged body dealing with delusions and paranoia. But I’m not sure I am ready to say goodbye