Next steps

Our neurology appointment was first and major for the start of the day. I knew we needed to be there but was nervous as well. Joe can’t be at his program if his is going to attempt jail breaks but how long till a med change can take effect, which med would change, what is next? You see, my mind rarely turns off. It’s a gift and a curse.

As usual, what I was expecting and prepared for, was not what happened. Med changes yes, starting immediately. One change now and one to happen as needed. This I expected. “I’ll see you back here in 6 weeks”. Nope not expected.!“ You won’t be able to keep him home much longer”, knew it was coming but didn’t want to hear or face. I drop him at his day program to hear “ If he tries to break out again, we are not the place for him to be”. So now essentially the fear of God.

And then the rest of my day. Coworkers who immediately want to hear what happened and are there with so much support. One willing to clear her schedule and come with me to view long term care, one who has and continues to listen to all and knows all and is just a force of love and support, one who wants to know what is happening and makes a call to someone who can offer support and tells me what his view has been. One phone call later, I have a page of notes of what to look for, what options, what choices.

And if this wasn’t enough, two more God moments happened. Joe’s van driver called to tell me he seemed calm when they brought him up and he was better than last week. He continued by telling me God places people in our lives at different moments that make and impact and to teach a lesson. He said Joe and I are some of those people. He asked if on the ride into the program he, Miss Laurie and Joe could pray together.

I was worried about Joe being with Tammi tonight. Would he have a problem or would he be okay until I got home? I was scared she would be in a place that was too much. Instead when I got home she told me she had had a rough day and the movie he wanted to watch was exactly what she needed. She told me she has struggled more in her faith this past year than in the past twenty plus years. She said that God has placed people in her life when she needed them and God had places Joe and I there to help her. She was in tears as she left and gave me the best hug.

Today started out with so much pain. I was shaking at times and could not focus. I went into a class less prepared then ever. But in my time with our kids, I never once focused on my problems. My kids distracted me and made me laugh despite my problems.

To have two people today as I was struggling so much tell me how much Joe and I have impacted their life made me sit back and think. God is speaking to other people through our story. It’s not all bad. Somehow he has turned what for me is so bad, into something good and faith affirming for others.

I pray everyday I will make it through. Some days, more recently, I want to turn off my phone and run away. But today to have so many people support us, give testimony for us, and just take my mind off all of it, once again I see God accepting and speaking in my life.