What the heck?

Today I spoke to my girls. Kate has a viral infection (not COVID) but also an infection in her gums. Today she has a fever and is in pain but is also so far from me. I can give advice, tell her my thoughts but that is it. I can’t see her or take care of her or hold her when she cries.

Later Liz calls to tell me about her rounds in the Vet clinic. She has a sad story of a two year old pup with cancer and another with seizures. She assures me not only is equine medicine out but also ER and ICU. She tells me “Mom, at least half my patients need to be healthy.”

During my call with Liz there was a beep, and later another. I was scared the van driver for Joe was trying to call, but WhatsApp was blocking it. I shut down my girl in case they were calling me for her Dad.

I don’t know what the beeps on the call were for but soon after I ended the call, the van with Joe pulled up.

I am in a place right now that is wondering how this has happened to our family. I put on a movie and saw Joe trying not to fall asleep. That is so minimal. I watch my husband dying before me. I don’t know how much time left he has. I know I balance his world. It’s a huge undertaking. He depends on me to make his world make sense. I don’t know how much longer I can do that. And that alone brings so much guilt. I always feel like I’m not doing enough.