Tough Conversations

This morning Joe paced, he wondered, he hovered. He basically drove me nuts. Eventually I asked him what was wrong, what was he worried about. Turns out it’s Kate. He said that if Kate wanted a father of the bride, they should get married soon. He talked about how Kate has always gotten the “end of the stick” perhaps “short end of the stick”. He talked about being their for Liz’s wedding. He wondered what it would be like to die and how would we be after. He was emotional and worried about me and our kids.

As we talked I asked if he felt he wouldn’t be around long. Physically he feels fine. He doesn’t want to use things like the toaster or microwave. He is afraid he will make a mistake and start a fire. I asked if he missed his mom, sister or brother. His brother yes, very much. He said maybe he would see his mom and sister at Kate's wedding.

After he was settled I texted Kate and Dan and asked to talk. The call was five minutes long and besides tears and a few questions mostly silent. I waited an hour and called Liz but wasn’t really able to talk.

Eric came in and knew something was wrong. He curled up, if you could say in my lap. That is as much as a 6’4” guy can. His legs were over mine and he wrapped up similar to when he was a little boy. We were quiet but just hugged. After a time he accused me of the room being brighter than the sun! Ah, back to normal.

This is hard. It is harder than I knew. I am preparing Joe to leave us and our kids for when he is gone. Somewhere in this is me. Somewhere in this I am also struggling.