Momma Fear

I’m scared for my youngest Eric. He has struggled through school with a learning disability but almost always with a great attitude. He and I would spend the night at the kitchen table doing homework through middle school. In high school he had an iPad and consistently would do assignments but forget to push send and submit to his teacher. I would have an anxiety attack and he would smile and tell me it would all work out.

Eric graduated from high school the summer after Joe was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. We never did the whole college tour and trek that his sisters had. Instead I encouraged him to go to community college. He hated it He is someone who needs to connect and feel a part of something. To go a few times a week, take a class and go home is so not him He gave up.

We spent time talking and he said he wanted to go into Auto Technology. We looked up programs and found one that was an hit from home that he was accepted into and had housing. He went and that first quarter thrived. He was so happy. He would call me and tell me all about cars and engines and all things I didn’t understand but just loved hearing the excitement in his voice. He made it through two quarters. The COVID happened.

He has been home since March. He is taking classes online and has started to fail classes I am scared for him. I have been praying very hard to know what to do. This week during Mass as I was praying I heard a voice in my head that simply said “Talk to him, don’t yell at him.”

Tonight we talked. He told me how hard it is to be home. He told me Dad is already gone even if not. He hates being here. He has no motivation and plays his video games all the time to not hear what Dad is doing or Grandma taking care of Dad.

Talking to him was exactly what we needed. I was reminded that he is 20 and has the rest of his life in front of him. He was doing well until the pandemic sidelined him. He has the best heart and just loves people. The anger is all a product of Dad’s Alzheimer’s. I need to try to be patient and let him work this out instead of making demands and yelling at him or threatening him.

I know I won’t be successful all the time with this. I will just continue to pray for him and hope he figures his life out.