Looking for a hole
Maybe its the time of year, darker, colder, dreary. Maybe it is just where I am in my life right now. I really would like a hole to climb in, cover up, snuggle in and be all by myself. We have our monthly dinner tonight with old co-workers. I just don't want to go. I still love to see then. I still love to be with them and catch up. But today, I am not feeling it. Today I feel like hibernation.
I knew Joe was slipping. I see it everyday. We have hit a point he isn't even sure what things are. This morning there was a crumpled paper towel sitting in front of the microwave. He asked me what "that" was. He didn't even touch it. I told him a paper towel that needed to be thrown out and he still just looked at it. I took it, threw it out and then he was willing to use the microwave.
He has taken to asking me what I said when I turn over in bed during the night. He won't accept it if I don't respond, he asks again. Then when I do answer, he doesn't understand and I need to repeat it. This morning he came and sat right next to me on the couch and had to hold my hand. It made texting with Kate a little challenging. He didn't even notice I was texting or ask with who or why.
I think it really has more to do with my life right now than the weather. But I really don't want to go and be social tonight. I know they care greatly for me. I know they will support me in anyway I need. I just want to go home, put on my pajamas, and lie in bed and only worry about having to talk to Joe. I also feel really selfish thinking this.