Looking for a hole

Looking for a hole

Maybe its the time of year, darker, colder, dreary.  Maybe it is just where I am in my life right now.  I really would like a hole to climb in, cover up, snuggle in and be all by myself.  We have our monthly dinner tonight with old co-workers.  I just don't want to go.  I still love to see then.  I still love to be with them and catch up.  But today, I am not feeling it.  Today I feel like hibernation.

 

I knew Joe was slipping.  I see it everyday.  We have hit a point he isn't even sure what things are.  This morning there was a crumpled paper towel sitting in front of the microwave.  He asked me what "that" was.  He didn't even touch it.  I told him a paper towel that needed to be thrown out and he still just looked at it.  I took it, threw it out and then he was willing to use the microwave.  

He has taken to asking me what I said when I turn over in bed during the night.  He won't accept it if I don't respond, he asks again.  Then when I do answer, he doesn't understand and I need to repeat it.  This morning he came and sat right next to me on the couch and had to hold my hand.  It made texting with Kate a little challenging.  He didn't even notice I was texting or ask with who or why.  

 

I think it really has more to do with my life right now than the weather.  But I really don't want to go and be social tonight.  I know they care greatly for me.  I know they will support me in anyway I need.  I just want to go home, put on my pajamas, and lie in bed and only worry about having to talk to Joe.  I also feel really selfish thinking this.  

 

 

Now what?

Now what?

Just to Sleep

Just to Sleep