Looking in the mirror

Recently I have spent time looking in the mirror.   This face, my face has been staring back at me for almost 49 years.   I’ve aged, I’ve changed but at the end it’s still me looking back.   That’s huge.  

As a little girl I would look in the mirror to see who I was, what I looked like.   I looked at my hazel eyes, brown hair and freckles... so many freckles.   I looked at me and I liked me.   I smiled at me.   I felt pretty.  I was happy with me.  

As a teen I looked at me and wanted my hair to be straight and not Irish crazy.   I wanted to fit it.   I stared at myself.   I loved my freckles.    I loved being Irish but I questioned who I really was.  

As a young mom I first would stare at the changes to my body.    I would look at my growing bump and wonder who was growing inside me.   Then I spent time watching my baby interact with the baby they saw in the mirror.  

For years then I barely glanced at the mirror.  It was mainly to make sure my shirt was tucked in right and my hair was some sort of okay.   The rest of the time was spent being Mom.  With three little ones who has more than a passing glance at the mirror.   And if you do it’s more like “Oh crap, seriously....”.  

My kids are all adults.  Some perhaps just barely.   But now I look in the mirror.   I look at me.   No I don’t want to fight this beast of Alzheimer’s.   No this is not what I ever would have chosen.   But as I look in the mirror, I look at my eyes.   Eyes that have seen such beauty.   Eyes that have watched changed without being willing to acknowledge it.   Eyes that went from a little girl smiling at herself to a woman wondering where this strength came from.  

As I look I see the wrinkles in my forehead, around my eyes and around my mouth.   Looking I remember my grandmothers and how much I loved being with them and looking at their wrinkles and hearing their stories.   As I look in the mirror, I see the story of me played out in the wrinkles.   I know they will grow.   I know I will continue to change.   But looking in the mirror it is always and always will be me looking back.   It is me, the strength in me, the faith in me, it is always me looking back.