I've been thinking

In the past few months I’ve thought a lot about our journey with Alzheimer’s.   It’s been over two years we have had this beast in our life.  I think back to the day we were told the news.   I took it like I expected it, like I knew.   I had one mission then, keep my family going.   At all costs, I had to support us emotionally and financially.   For three years prior I knew something was coming our way.   I knew it was big.   I knew it would hurt.   I suffered panic attacks waiting.   I studied hard and became a certified geriatric pharmacist and earned my certificate in youth ministry.    I knew these would protect us but didn’t know how.  

The disease is progressing as is expected.    Sometimes I marvel that we have done this for two plus years.   Sometimes I am angry at family for not seeing what this is and supporting us.   I fear where we are headed and how bad it is going to get.  I wonder why him and why is.    I hear my son play a video game and declare “ Stop saying that.   No joke my Dad has Alzheimer’s”.   I fear for him. I fear for us.   I fear for what this has done to us as a unit.  

When I wake in the middle of the night with fear lurking and my heart pacing, I am grateful for where God has led us.  I am so grateful for the people he has brought I to our lives.   So many wonderful, beautiful people.   I don’t have the time I want to see all of them.  They may not be blood but through all of this God put us in the right place and the right people to help us through.