Please never again...

The past two weeks have been like none before.  On Wednesday January 15th we were all together in the conference room having lunch and laughing just like a normal lunch.  As we were finishing the phone rang.  I went to get it while being teased by my co-workers.  I answered the phone to a friend from another parish and after she said "Aileen I have bad news" all I heard was buzzing.  I asked her to repeat what she had just said.  I was not processing her words.  There was no way she had just told me a bright shining light had died that morning.  I know I yelled either she is dead or she died today to hear the gasps and other similar reactions in the conference room.  

The next days passed with all of us struggling to process, to wrap our heads around the truth of what was.  I kept expecting someone to say it was a mistake or not really her but someone else.  I have seen pictures of the accident but still struggle to process.  

We went back and forth with the other parish involved and who was to host the wake and funeral and we as a staff wanted to be there to help.  We sat together once again in the conference room for lunch prior to going to help at the wake.  Obviously the mood was so different.  It was beyond comprehension.  We talked about her family and there loss.  We could not even begin to grasp what their feelings could possibly be.  Their daughter had been ripped away from them in a blink of an eye and they were now living every parents worst nightmare.  

At the other parish we were entrusted with the tremendous privilege of being there to direct people through the line to the family.  We waited in the back of the empty church except for the coffin.  It was so hard to think she was in there.  Her immediate family was brought in to have time alone with her before the wake started.  We stepped back into the vestibule to give them some privacy.  At one point mom let out soul wrenching sobs.  It was so hard to not burst into tears at that point.  No parent should ever feel like that.  We just stood there looking at each other. 

As they started the receiving line, I was asked to stand just after the family and direct people out.  For two hours I stood there with as a first hand witness to the excruciating and incredible raw pain on the faces of all those who had come.  As I started to wonder if I could keep handling this I was relieved by a co-worker.  For seven and a half hours the family received those who wanted to pay their condolences and I had trouble just dealing with two hours.  

The next day we were back for the funeral.  Tissues were all over the church and parish center.  This time we were floating between places to make sure people found the bathroom or need comfort before the funeral began.  Once again we had a front row seat of the pain of her family.  We watched her sister give a beautiful eulogy and her mother sing a heart stopping song.  

The pain in the community is amazing.  Everywhere I turn someone has a story of her.  For me this was my first tragic loss.  For my coworkers there have been more.  I pray it will be a very long time before we face a loss like this again.