It's not funny...

Joe saw a spot on the news tonight about low sperm count and started acting like he was a stupid fifteen year old.   He started laughing and making comments.   I just looked at him and said “You’re not funny”.   Inside I’m breaking.  

I have spent the day trying to rest while also talking and catching up with my three.  The week ahead is unnerving and the thought of going to Ireland in eleven days is both welcomed and terrifying.    I have the weight of the world and he makes asinine jokes.  

I am worried about leaving him and upsetting his routine.   I am worried about the work that is already piling up.   On the other hand I desperately need a break.   I need a break from my life and I need a break from him.   I vowed to be with him through sickness and health but I also know I need a break from him to keep up with the next step.   I also know Mom will take amazing care of him, even better than me.   I am sporadic in care with work.    She will not have that burden and be better at talking to and cooking for him.  

While watching the news tonight, I had just another reminder that I am allowed a break.