It's been a while
It's been a while since my last post. Joe visibly declines daily. There has been an increase in his paranoid delusions and a decrease in the functions he can do. This week we had an appointment with our primary. I put a post on Facebook that it had been a bad day. I didn't think it sounded as bad as it must have. But thanks to all for the prayers and reaching out.
It took two of us over five minutes to get him on the scale. Then he did something and the scale needed to be recalibrated! So had to get him off and back on. My blood pressure was getting higher as I tried to figure out ways to make him understand what I needed him to do. He started crazy laughing and asked me if we were going to do the Cha-Cha. It was hard to see the humor in the moment.
The conversation with our primary was hard. She is so nice, caring and goes above and beyond to help us. I thought I was prepared for what is coming. But to sit and have her tell me how surprised at the extent of decline since his last appointment hurt. We talked about the next steps. We talked about everything from respite care, palliative care, hospice and long term care. She is going to have her team do research and get back to me.
At one point in the conversation we were speaking about his ability to walk. He asked if he could ask a question. His question, "My wife works at a church with a priest. Is that what you are talking about." She was so good with him in her response to the question.
As I was getting him dresses to go, Priscilla one of the nurses came back in. She looked me in the eye, "Call me anytime, about anything." And then said goodbye to Joe and left. It is the simple kindness and compassion that always makes me want to cry. It is the complete support that we have in our corner that I am so incredibly grateful for. Sometimes this just all doesn't seem real. Sometimes I think it is a dream. But I know in my heart it is our reality. I know I think I am ready for what is coming, but I really am not. I know as we go the support will continue.
So, I have been writing but not posting. If you will allow me, I am going to start posting things that are months old, while continuing the write about our here and now.
