I feel amazing

I haven’t felt truly like me in a long time.   I didn’t even realize it.   But I am finishing four days off.    I have gotten so much done but even more I have been happy in my own skin, and in my home.    

In the last two and a half years, I have worked six days a week.   My time at home has been to sleep, to take care of and to do until my next time at home.  I have taken care of people, paperwork, housework and anything else that needed to be done.   I had had mornings to myself when Joe was sleeping that I could be by myself to just pray.   That changed months ago when he decided if I was up, he should be up, and if he was up the news should be on.  

I haven’t been this comfortable in my skin at home since he was diagnosed.    I took me almost four days to realize Joe wasn’t hovering over everything I did.    I don’t know if it is a change in him or his disease.   I don’t know if this means further slipping.   I am so grateful for the time though.

In the past few days  I have moved furniture, cleaned and vacuumed.    I have brought Christmas decorations down from the attic.   The tree is up and for the first time in a long time I had fun putting the lights on it.   The house is partially decorated but work still needs to be done.   I have put on Christmas Carols and made two pots of soup and a turkey Shepard’s pie.   I did laundry and ran errands.   And I have been happy.  

I talked to Liz tonight.   She asked me why I was so happy.   She said as soon as the phone connected she knew I was doing better.   I don’t really know why I am feeling so much like me again.   Is it because we have adjusted to this diagnosis or because he isn’t following me around?   I don’t know if it’s momentary or not.    Whichever, I am so glad for the past four days and the break, the sleep and the joy.    It has been so amazing.