I don't know how to ask for help

For over 25 years I learned to hate snow days.  It usually meant either Joe or I had to shovel out and drive in sometimes perilous conditions to open a Pharmacy somewhere.  I have placed little ones bundled in snowsuits in the car while I shovel it snowblow so Joe can get in the driveway.   Sometimes those littles played in the snow while I shoveled the walkway.   Once when Liz was little she was playing on top of the snow and got stuck.   I had to wade out to pull her back.   I have pictures of Liz as a three year old with snow feet above her head.   I have pictures of Eric when he was simply six feet tall and the snow banks equaled his height.  

A storm started Sunday afternoon here and didn’t clear until Tuesday afternoon.  I called out of one job on Monday grateful I had the option.   Later I realized my neighbors had almost shoveled us out.   I don’t know how to ask for or accept help well.   I grab boots and a jacket and ran out to help.  

Today I was cursing the CEO of my other job for not calling a snow day.   I went to start the snow blower and accidentally sucked the extension cord into the auger.   But hey I was able to cut it out and start it.   But again not before my neighbors helped me shovel out the driveway.  

Last week I had a teen ask me what we should do for a family facing cancer.   I told her I didn’t know right now other than prayers.   She told me she doesn’t like when I don’t have an answer.   I am struggling.  I am on both sides of this.   I have a huge time asking for help at the same time I want to be able to provide comfort.    Life is so complicated.