Forgiveness

Today I listened to a podcast on forgiveness. I have to admit I hold deep anger to some people I expected and anticipated standing behind Joe and fully supporting us. At the very beginning of this journey i found out how very wrong I was.

It’s been years and I still have anger I hold on to that I haven’t been able to let go of. Today I listened to this podcast and one thing said was “to not forgive is to keep yourself a prisoner to the anger.” Damn. Right between the eyes.

I have spent time pondering this and praying about it. Okay, this is day 1. I have a lot of anger to unburden. But tonight I sit in the quiet and I think of their weakness. At the time of Joe’s diagnosis, they wanted to help us the way the thought we needed it and never listened to what we really needed. One person has a long history or pushing people away. One person has a long history of burying their head in the sand. And on and on.

In fact as I sit here tonight I realize, their weakness is not what matters. What matters is my strength. No matter what challenge my children or my husband have faced God has given me the strength to face it head on.

I don’t know why God gave me this strength but I realize I am blessed to have it. And while I struggle with anger to those I expected to step up and be with us, I must let that anger go.

They couldn’t be what I wanted for whatever reason. Instead I need to let that anger go and focus on all the people God has lead Into our life that surround us and love us.

I can’t tell you I am walking away from this anger. I can tell you I will actively try. I do t want to be prisoner to their weakness.