Anger fading
This week I got a call from my mother in law on my cell phone. Mary, this is Delilah Lemony. Um, I have known you for over 30 years. Yes we haven’t talked much or seen you much in the past year and a half but I still know who you are. She wanted to know if Joe had received the package she sent him. She called him and he said no there had been no package. I disagreed telling her it had arrived two days ago. She ended with thanks and love you. All toll I think the conversation was about 48 seconds.
In the past two years this would have sent me off into anger, muttering and stewing. Instead this time all I could think was how sad. How sad as his mother she had left four voicemails (I found after her call), talked to Joe and called me all about two DVDs she sent him. Yet there was no conversation about Joe. No conversation about how is Joe, what is he like, anything he needs. No conversation about could they get together and spend time together.
His brother hasn’t seen Joe in about two months. I got a text that he had been working, had an eye doctor appointment, a doctor appointment and jury duty and now his wife’s uncle was in the hospital. Once again there was some anger as to why his brother comes last in the mix. Once again there was regret but also mixed in was sadness.
I could totally use their help. I would love to be able to depend on them. I have learned in this journey the people you can or cannot depend on aren’t always linked to you by blood. I have spent a lot of time on this journey being really mad at them. I cannot and will not walk away from Joe. Do I want to be here? No. If this the path I chose to be on? No. How can you just walk away? He is slowly leaving us. Don’t you want to be with him while he is still here? Yup, it sure would have been easier to just walk away and let someone else deal. I am so sad at the people Joe has lost simply because of his diagnosis and their not being willing to accept him as he now is. I thank God my anger is fading. I have enough to do on this journey. I do not want to be weighed down with anger. I don’t have the time or emotional strength for it. The job ahead is too great.
