How much longer?

So tonight for the first time since the Neurology appointment, I am truly focusing on what happened a week ago.  Joe has had a significant drop in cognitive ability.    On the Montreal Cognitive test normal is between 26-30.   Three years ago at diagnosis Joe was 22.   A year and a half ago, he was 16.  Last week, he was 8.  

All I keep thinking about tonight is how much longer do I have with him?    I don’t suspect we have another three years.   Do we have two?   What happens in the next year?    Does he continue at this pace, does he slow, does he go faster???

I wonder when will I be a widow? What will I do then? Do I even cook dinner or is a sandwich okay?   How do I love my grand babies and let them know how much their grandfather loved them even before they existed???  How do I move forward this year and the next and without him?

I thank God every day for the gift of my faith. I beg Jesus for the strength and courage to continue.   I cannot do this without the people God has put in my life.   I will need them as we continue down this path.   I can’t do this without them but more importantly without God.