Struggling

I have a hard time with people I always thought would be there for Joe who have not. I struggle in my head and in my heart. I try to let go and just know they are not there for us. But I can’t get over my anger. I know it is holding me back. I know it is only hurting me. Yet, I continue to struggle and suffer and rage against them, even if it is only in my head.

In times like we are dealing, there are certain people you know will be there for you. After all you are one of them. But they leave you in the dust. They respectfully bow out. They sit on my couch and tell me they will not work with my mom but only with me.

Three and a half years later and I still wonder why there is no backbone to stand up for theirs. Three and a half years later and I still carry so incredibly much anger. I know the anger is only hurting me. But I haven’t figured out how to let it go.

Explain to me how someone you are so incredibly close to is diagnosed with such a terrible thing and you run away. Explain to me how we sat and talked about how to help and within months you were gone. Tell me how my mom told you Eric as a late teen needed you but you weren’t there. I have so much anger and I truly want to let it go. I just haven’t figured it out yet. Instead I waited to hold on to Eric tonight and tell him how badly I was struggling. Then he told me he was busy and now wasn’t a good time.