In the dark

Tonight I lie in the dark with Joe in bed beside me. In my AirPods I have Matt Maher “Alive and Breathing” on repeat. One part of me can totally see dancing in the living room with no one watching me but just being in the moment.

Tonight, while I want to be dancing, I’m asking God why me and why my kids. Why is this the path we are on? Why do my kids have to prepare to say an early or long goodbye to their dad? Why am I asked to handle so much?

Then I look around at all the people who love us in all the mess we are. Last night we had dinner with long time friends. Joe hugged Patrick three times on our way out the door. He was drawn to Patrick and knew he played a special role in our life.

Without my other job, Joe has been more present at church, volleyball games and youth activities. I have watched as friends welcome him unconditionally and shake his hand and just accept him as he is. I have watched my church kids wave to him and welcome him even when he isn’t aware of it. I have seen my church friends welcome him when he doesn’t remember the words , when to sit it stand. I have watched friends watch him as he speaks to himself but then knowing he is okay and just accept him.

So I don’t know what God is trying to teach me or to teach my kids. I don’t know his way or what his plan is. But when I sit back and look, my kids and I are blessed. We are blessed with people who love us and accept where we are and never question it. So while I wish this wasn’t our path, I thank God for those he placed in our midst.