I remember him

Tonight Joe came in to check on me and sat next to me.   I hugged him and sniffed to see if he needed a shower and change of clothes.   What came to me is, he has smelled exactly the same for 32 years.   It was powerful.     The things we have gone through together.    Now I focus on him leaving me.   But tonight took me back.  

That deep inhale reminded me of the man who stood strong by my side as our children went through medical tests and surgeries.    I remember the man who stood and hugged me as dawn broke and our little girl was taken to surgery.  It reminded me of the time he wanted to make his daughter smile as he “dressed like Bid Bird” held her in his smile and guided a gurney to the OR.    I remembered the times he drove me crazy and just made me smile with his stupidity.    I laughed as he tried to dance when the kids would scream “No Daddy, No”. 

 I thought of the time we took the girls to Lake Washington and Kate was a baby.   He played with her in pool and did everything to keep her from a sunburn regardless of himself.   He stood by my side guiding me through child birth and being with our children and our family every step of the way.  

His primary focus still, despite his diminished capacity, is how I am doing and how his children are doing.   We had such thoughts and dreams of our empty nest.   I hate that he is leaving me.   Yet despite what he has lost, his priority still is me and our children.   Sometimes I forget what a blessing that is.