He is in

Sunday night I was about to jump out of my skin. Joes impending move to long term care was weighing so heavily on my mind. I couldn’t focus on reading. I couldn’t focus on a movie or show. I couldn’t pace or go for a walk. It was a struggle.

Yesterday I told him I had found him a new program that I hoped he liked better. He came with me and walked with me. He walked through the door to his new life.

Everyone there was great with both of us. I unpacked the limited amount I brought for him. I covered his bulletin board of pictures of us and of the kids. He didn’t seem to notice. The new medication for the delusions puts him in a brain fog.

We sat in his bed and filled out the paperwork. Directly out the window, above the shoulder of the admission director, was a cardinal. That bird sat there the entire time I signed admission paperwork. I’m taking it as a sign he should be there.

Leaving was rough. Even the woman at the front desk asked how he was and how I was. I went to a local trail and walked down further than I thought. I would stop and sit and listen to the river flow. I saw a huge amount of turtles sunning themselves. I took hours and was just in my head.