27 years

In mere hours, I will celebrate my 27th wedding anniversary or 32nd anniversary with Joe.   The night before our wedding, my dad told me he would cancel it all and I wouldn’t have to think about anything.    It broke my heart he thought we would t make it.    I was terrified of “giving up me” and taking a new name but was confident in Joe.   
I was young when we married.  I was still figuring out who I was and now I felt I was recreating myself with a new name.   All these years later I have more sense of self now then I ever did then.   That day before Deacon Brown at Most Holy Trinity, I vowed in sickness and in health, till death do us part.   I vowed it and as scared as I was, the words came easily.  

This afternoon I talked to Eric.   We talked of me taking Dad “Joe” to the beach.   I want to but I also said it would be like going back with a child, someone I would have to be aware of their every move.   Eric tried to tell me I shouldn’t have to be in charge like that and discounted when I told him what my marriage vows were.  

I don’t think I could handle a day at the beach with Joe right now.   Sadly, my Uncle Walt passed away last week.  But he gave me the example of living out marriage vows.   He lived and loved Aunt Shirley through this beast.   Joe depends on me to keep his world steady, to keep his world safe.   While my son thinks this is too much, this is exactly what I vowed to do.   As much as it drains me, and scares me, this is what I promised God.  And I know without a doubt, he will give me the strength to carry this through.