Privilege and Guilt

Privilege and Guilt

This morning I was lectoring at Mass.  Normally this would not be atypical.  In fact for me, lectoring  usually happens when the person who is scheduled doesn't show up and I am pulled from the pew to read the readings.  Now, Mass has been primarily something only bringing in staff members.  We are trying to limit the amount of people that we are coming in contact with.  In this time, we are keeping the people in the church to the and those are only the ones directly a part of the Mass.  

As Mass started I felt very privileged to be a part.  It felt really good to be in the Church and to interact with those who are friends and my work family.  It was good to talk about the changes in how we normally do things and what to change.  At times we laughed and joked about things as if it was normal.  

Soon this turned into strong emotions of guilt.  Why should I be the one in the Church and able to experience Mass in person?  Why should I be fortunate to partake of the Mass when so many others desperately want to.  Here we are as Lent is quickly ending and Easter quickly arriving and nothing is normal.  We have so many faith filled people who desperately want to be a part of Mass and I am the one who is there.  

Father T. asked those of us in the Church to say the responses loudly so people at home truly feel a part and don't feel they are alone in there home.  I could do it until after Communion.  Our music director played a song at Communion.  The lyrics are something like "Thank you Lord, that you Lord, you have been so good to me". Talk about heart wrenching.  I knew I needed to sing yet I was filled with tears.  

I was so lucky to be able to be in the Church, in our normal environment and celebrate Mass almost like normal. I was lucky.  It was my honor and my privilege to be a part of this Mass.  I know going forward we will continue to learn new ways to live in a pandemic.  We are finding what is normal now.  

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