FIFTY!!!

Today I turn 50! In so many ways it just seem possible. Remember when you were younger and 40 seemed so old. I don't feel old. Creaky every once and a while, but not old.

I remember the day I turned 40. I went out to lunch with Joe and my mom all while the kids were in school. At the time they were 16,13 and 10. That feels like so long ago. As I look back on my 40s, I see so many milestones, blessings and struggles we had.

In ten years all three of my kids have learned to drive, finished or started and finished braces. Two have graduated from college and also gotten married. One is working but searching for a job in her degree. The other went off to Ireland to get her DVM or doctor of veterinary medicine. The last is still figuring it all out.

I spent a year studying for and earning my Certificate in Geriatric Pharmacy. Then I spent the next year studying for and earning my Certificate in Youth Ministry. I knew something was coming at us and I knew it was going to be bad. I knew these two certificates were critical to my/our future but I didn't know how or which would be my primary job and which my secondary.

Four years ago it all coming crashing down around us. Joe came home early one day and said he lost his job. We started working on his resumes while also going to the doctor. We had been to our primary twice already saying something was going on but both times he did well on the testing in the office. After losing his job he was started on medication for adult onset ADHD and referred to a Neurologist. Meanwhile he went to apply for a job in Boston and got completely lost and spent two hours walking around trying to find where he parked the car. Then we received the news that my store was closing. It had been sold and we only had a few months left. Liz was graduating college and off to Ireland for Vet medicine. Nothing felt stable. I was rapidly working on finances and applying for Joe for unemployment. I was searching for a job as well as pushing out his resumes.

In this time my temp job at MCPHS called and asked me to apply for a part time position. I started that and continued resumes. The day of the Neurology visit came and as we walked into the office the conversation in my head was "We don't belong here. He is not that bad". An hour later, struggling not to cry, the conversation was different "How did I not know how bad he is"

Testing started and we went searching for the cause. Meanwhile I accidentally came across three job opportunities in Youth Ministry. On a whim, I spent an hour creating a resume and cover letter and before I could think too long about it emailed them out. That was on a Wednesday. Friday one of them called and asked me to come Mondayfor an interview. Out of the three Youth Ministry jobs this really wasn't the one I wanted. For the heck of it I went to the interview.

Before the second interview Joe was diagnosed with Alzheimers. The night of the interview it was pouring rain. Before the interview I went to the police station to file a report against Joe, as he was searching hard to get a gun permit and gun. This what totally not something I ever thought I would have to do.

The second interview went well and I was offered the job. My mind had changed and I began to look forward to the job. That August after six months of instability, I started working and we started to find our new normal.

I am still at both of those jobs. They were exactly what we needed for stability. One provides spiritual and emotional support. The other was the source of getting us the medical and financial stability. However, I never thought though I would celebrate 50 in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.

I have learned that God has a plan. He is directing the ship and if you are willing and able to listen he will direct us. He directed my family through the uncertainty of four years ago. He will get us through the pandemic and then through the loss of Joe and again and again we will find a new normal. I have learned a lot about my inner strength and faith in my 40s. I have learned to be more confident and to tackle a situation head on. I have also learned that there are times I just need to lie down and curl up to get the strength to go on.

I have no idea what my 50s will bring. But I look forward to continuing the adventure.