Asking for Help

Four years ago I was having anxiety attacks. They were awesome. It hit me suddenly. I grew amazingly hot, suddenly felt like I was going to throw up followed quickly by the feeling I was going to pass out. I did everything I could to not let anyone around me know what was going on. I would be asked about the flushed face and blame early menopause. When i didn’t hear conversation over the roaring in my ears I said I was deep in thought over a work issue. I never wanted to see the doctor and admit what was happening. It seemed I was weak and not capable of dealing with what was in my life. I held tight to the statement “If God leads you to it, he will get you through it”. But I have found I need deep faith in God, Therapy and pharmaceuticals.

I started to see someone who gave me help on how to stop the anxiety attack before it takes over. With practice it works but I still needed medication to help me.

For over three years I have been completely stable. At one point I wondered if I should start to wean off. Did I really still need the medication? However, recently the signs are back. My left eye starts twitching uncontrollably for no explainable reason. My tongue feels stuck to the roof of my mouth. I have times all I want to do is cry. I have trouble focusing. I feel so incredibly tired yet I have been sleeping more than usual.

I have a new doctor and I didn’t want to have my first visit be one of I want to increase my medication. I don’t want to seem like someone drug searching. Obviously the medication I want to increase has no addictive properties or street value. But still I was nervous. I thank God for the ability to make the appointment myself online so I didn’t need to tell anyone why. I even was afraid to ask to have the appointment as a televisit.

My new doctor listened to me. She asked what anxiety symptoms I was feeling. She asked what I did for work and about Joe's progression with Alzheimer’s. It was short. It was brief. And then she gave me the options for increasing my medication. There was absolutely no pushback. There was no minimizing what I was feeling. I felt like a weight lifted when I finished the visit. She not only listened but really heard me. She is increasing my medication and wants to hear from me next week to make sure I’m not having side effects. I am still battling the increased symptoms. Yet the fear of asking for help and feeling like I might have to fight for it is gone.

So yes, I struggle with generalized anxiety disorder. I find deep help with faith, therapy and medication. And yes it is still really hard to reach out and ask for help. But after doing so I know I will stabilize again.