Feeling trapped

Today was just an example of how I feel trapped. Work is crazy and busy. It’s a sign of the season. Joe went to his program and I went back to bed.

My alarm rang to be awake for Joe's care team meeting. An hour later I could not stay awake. I went back to bed for another two hours.

I had two goals for today. Go for a walk and go to BJs. Neither happened. By the time I felt like I was physically able, I had less than an hour till he came home.

There is no way I am taking him either for a walk or to BJs. I think of the next two days. I would love to run errands after to work but I can’t. I need to be here for him. I would love to go for a walk in the afternoon instead of the morning but there is no way.

Today I stood in the kitchen sorting mail. Joe followed me from the kitchen counter to the recycling bin. Then I had to try and go around him. He took a shower tonight and is now restless and pacing.

I know this is not my forever but I struggle with my now.

P.S I came out from taking a shower and there he was, right outside the bathroom door.